© Emily M. Martin
On May 1, 2024, the Arizona Senate passed a repeal of the ban with two Republicans joining them.
(Warning: Please be advised the following contains graphic descriptions of sexual and physical violence.)
I used to have a male friend who was raped as a teen in the 1960s. As I remember the story, he was a gangly hippie kid who went to stay in a squat on a visit to New York City. In the middle of the night he awoke to several men holding him down. They took turns. My friend knew what it felt like to be physically overpowered and penetrated without consent. Years later when I knew him, he was a happily married father of three, a lifelong radical, political activist, and dedicated feminist. I always thought the assault gave him a particular sensitivity regarding certain issues. He died in 2009 as Trump was beginning to attain political prominence.
According to a new study, since the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision in June of 2022 about 64,000 women have been impregnated by rape and cannot get abortions. The researchers admit the data was hard to quantify: on one hand some tools they used may have increased the number, but on the other, because only about 30 percent of rapes get reported, the number could well be higher. 64,000 women, and about 26,000 of them are in Texas.
This is a terrible, heartbreaking amount of human misery to consider. Please try to stay with me, and further down I’ll offer suggestions for how you can help.
Some of these women may have beliefs that enable them to separate the pregnancy from the crime. Others will die by suicide. A significant percentage, having had the right to control their own bodies taken away twice, will give birth and keep the babies whether they can afford to or not. This article from Ms. magazine explains why adoption is not the tidy solution the Supreme Court suggests it is.
Another study done some years ago found that legalized abortion following 1973’s Roe v. Wade decision accounts largely for the decline in U.S. crime rates since the 1990s. While other factors likely had influence too, it does make sense. It’s easy to imagine a woman raising a child who was the result of a rape she suffered not being a great mother regardless of class or race. It’s easy to imagine this unplanned pregnancy becoming a child growing up in difficult circumstances and potentially drifting into crime later in life.
I can offer anecdotal evidence to support some of these ideas. In 1979, at age 19, I was beaten and raped by an ex-boyfriend. He was born in 1956 into a working-class family in Virginia. He told me stories about how his mother had “tortured” him—his word, as “abuse” was not yet commonly used. He was sure she hadn’t wanted him and her other kids. The father was an alcoholic who beat her. My ex had a juvenile record but was seemingly attempting a respectable life when we met and were together. After a few months I ended the relationship. He was devastated. One night he attacked me. He hit me and kicked me. He tried to drag me into the bedroom by my hair, and when I resisted he pulled out a small bunch of my hair by the roots. Finally he punched me hard on the left side of my head, and the next thing I remember he was on top of me, raping me in a psychotic rage. He warned me he’d kill me if I told anyone so I didn’t go to the police. I did tell my boyfriend and a few close friends, minimizing the event and blaming myself—not uncommon reactions, especially back then. I did not seek counseling for a long time.
I’ve processed this trauma and written about it before. I don’t need to revisit it, but with so much violence against women happening in the Christian Right’s culture of misogyny I feel compelled to tell my story again in the hope it will somehow be of benefit.
It’s very painful for me to imagine what would’ve happened if I had been impregnated. Would I have known if the sperm came from the rapist or my boyfriend? I would’ve gotten an abortion in any case, but the horror and disgust over even the slightest possibility of an egg being fertilized during that assault would’ve been overwhelming. And what if I’d been denied an abortion like one of the 64,000? I would’ve put the baby up for adoption, but that probably would’ve meant disappearing, leaving college for a while. My boyfriend was kindhearted, but not a saint. I don’t think he would’ve stayed with me and I doubt I would’ve wanted him to. I can certainly see myself trying to cause a miscarriage. With the memories of the brutality, seeing the roots of my hair coming out with bits of scalp attached and blood . . . I might’ve killed myself.
Abortion rights must be reinstated, and this time at a federal level. Women need justice now. About 64,000 have been cruelly denied it. They will never really get it. What can we do? With enough Democrats elected to Congress the right to an abortion will become federal law. Every time the right to choose is on the ballot, even in red states, choice wins. Please do what you can to Get Out the Vote for Democrats. Make a donation. I list some suggestions further down. Then do a little more.
Write postcards to likely voters.
Phone banking—I don’t like it but I do it anyway. If you’re shy but curious about phone banking, take one of these fun training sessions and learn why introverts actually make the best phone bankers.
If you’re really brave, knock on doors.
Like millions of women, I was thrilled when E. Jean Carroll won and won again. She was terrified to testify in both cases but got over her fear and did it. She’s said publicly that the settlement money will go toward political action to help women. Normalized in part by her rapist, the former Pussygrabber-in-Chief, there is a culture of misogyny thriving in parts of this country that must be called out. The abortion bans without exceptions for rape or incest are hideously misogynistic, not to mention the decisions forcing a woman to carry a nonviable fetus to term, or putting her own life in jeopardy. I can smell the stink of hate, the indifference to suffering. While it’s true we must win in November to reinstate the right to abortion, a right that belonged to half our adult population for 50 years, we must also fight the insidious culture of misogyny. Many women today, including me, feel uneasy, even threatened, in ways we never imagined. Let’s take action for our daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, mothers, aunts, nieces, cousins—especially those third cousins twice removed living in deep red states with total or near total abortion bans—American people just like you and me.
It took me decades to get over the trauma of my assault. It was several years before I could have an orgasm during intercourse, and that was just the beginning. If I’d gotten counseling earlier, the trajectory of my life would’ve been different. I finally did EMDR therapy, which helped profoundly, and used my creative skills to share the terrible experience in dramatic and musical works. At last, in my mid-50s, almost 40 years after the incident occurred, I filed a police report. The detective who took my statement was in her 20s and listened with compassion as I told the story. As I spoke, I realized she was young enough to be my daughter, and this memory brings tears to my eyes now. I never wanted children, but if I had, I‘d be proud to be the mother of a detective working in the Sex Crimes Department of the LAPD. She stapled the photo of my attacker to the report, saying, “This is very good. If anyone ever charges him, this report is here, and the prosecutor can find it. It will show a pattern and help get him convicted.” I walked out of that office a transformed woman.
Justice can take many forms. Call out sexism and misogyny when you see it. Report acts of sexual violence and support the victims and survivors. Volunteer for a hotline or at a shelter. Do whatever you can to get Democrats elected this year and please share this blog with someone who might be interested. As the saying goes, “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum” or “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”
Consider adopting a red state and make a generous donation directly to its Democratic Party to help with small down-ballot races. Putting liberals in power wherever possible will change the conversation and the culture and help get programs and services in place. Then make a matching donation to an organization in that state or region that helps victims of sexual violence and works to end it.
Below are the states with total abortion bans. The first link is to the Democratic Party there. The second is to a state organization concerned with ending sexual violence and helping victims. Here are links to NAESV, the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence and RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) If you want to learn more or donate on a national level.
Whew . . . a lot to take in. Thank you for reading and for your support.
Milo
STATES WITH TOTAL ABORTION BANS
Alabama
Alabama Coalition Against Rape
Arkansas
Arkansas Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Kentucky
Kentucky Association of Sexual Assault Programs
Louisiana
Louisiana Foundation Against Sexual Assault
Missouri
Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Oklahoma
(The Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault has closed, making Oklahoma the only state without a coalition to support its shelters, crisis centers and victim service programs.)
South Dakota
South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Tennessee
Tennessee Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Texas